Too much squash?

The squash casserole in the pic by the way is delicious. I found the recipe when I had way too many squash to know what to do with. So I searched by ingredient on a recipe site. It has been a hit with everyone who has tasted it. (At least they acted like it anyway). I have tweaked it slightly by leaving out one egg and the butter and eye-balling the rest of the squash. Don't worry about measuring it! Just get a big bag of squash and add in enough peppers, onions, cornbread and cheese until it looks right. And you might want to put half in a dish to freeze for later.
http://easy.betterrecipes.com/moms-squash-casserole.html

Fighting Monsters

What is it about the urge to write at inopportune times? In the car, out of town, at two am? I said at two AM!?!?!?!?!? Well, I did say I wanted to blog.....
My husband found this article and left it up on his computer.
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/03/26/bauer_autism/
Yesterday morning I read through it and wept so bitterly I had to lock myself in the bathroom to prevent my children from seeing my painful red and wet face. It wasn't a new fear that filled me but the scab had been scratched off and it was bleeding again. This mother just articulated it so well. She was sharing her own painful story and I was crying because I don't want to be her someday. Now, reading this I make the assumption that she is not a believer due to some references about where she puts her hope. (One place is with Obama and I could really go on about that for a while but that is not the topic of this post.) Anyway, I am not sure if that is accurate or not but I thought her references to hope seemed flimsy at best. But in many ways I have been there (am there?). I know that I have complete access to the creator of the universe through my risen savior. And yet, if I am brutally honest, there are times when hope seems stupid wishful thinking.
All I have to do is whisper? Then why aren't my shouts being heard?
The night before I read this article our son had said to his little sister "I am going to stab you in your pee-pee". It shocked us and disturbed us to say the least.
"Where in the world did you hear something like that?"
"I don't know. I just made it up."
Later he blamed it on public school kids. Yeah right, all the evils of the world are because of public school kids. I think making it up is even worse than hearing it somewhere. He also saw the article on the computer. He sat in my lap and cried and said, "I just want to grow up and have a job and have a family and be happy." Yeah, me too.
We know a family that seems so perfect it just makes you sick to your stomach. She has a beautiful house in the country which her husband built with his own hands. The amazing front door was conveniently left in a dumpster for them to find. She has a small but lovely parcel of land from which a bountiful garden spills forth. Her children romp around in a playhouse, a swing set (the kind so big even the grown-ups can swing real high on it), and a little babbling brook. The adults have an outdoor kitchen and covered patio to sip their lemonade and have their bible study.
Bleh!
A few weeks ago we were at her house. She told a story about how their dog (who is also gorgeous and perfect of course) had been run over by a bobcat when she was six months old. They took her to the vet for x-rays and found out that the dog's hips and entire pelvis had been shattered. They decided not to spend the money on the expensive and likely unsuccessful surgery and took her home. The dog was prayed over during their bible study. And it was miraculously healed. Not right away, but all the broken bones in that shattered dog healed into all the right positions. "Wow! That's amazing!" Everyone said. I felt like screaming, crying, slapping her face and puking all at once.
What about my son? Am I to think that the creator of the universe values a dog more than my son?
There are times when I see things and I just can't comprehend why they are the way they are. I see the struggles my son faces minute by minute. And I know there is greater suffering in the world than his. But still...
I also know a family whose son passed away because of a terrible genetic disorder. He knew a lot of pain towards the end of his short life. I found out about their son's diagnosis just a few weeks after we found out about our son's. I really grieved for him and his family. It was genuine. I did not wish this upon them or think that it was great they had to endure this. But at the same time there was a little voice in the back of my head that said, "But I would rather deal with that than this." GASP! How could you say such a thing? You are ungrateful and crazy!
Maybe.
But like this mother said - Oh if it were as simple as just cancer!
At least with cancer (or any fill-in-the-blank disease you like) you know what you're battling. It is as though we are chasing after an intangible, unpredictable spook. Yes, like she said, a monster. Will we conquer it? Will our love, time, energy, prayers, reading, counseling, therapy, faith and tears be enough? Or will it rear up and devour our son right in front of us? It always comes down to the same question doesn't it? Why?
I do not want to be like her. I do not want to hope in research or therapies or diets or other such quack juice.I do not want to lose hope. But I can relate to her. She articulated the dark fear that lies within. She is living it.
But please God, not my son. Please Lord, I believe. Save me from my disbelief.

STUFFED

Sorry I haven't written. We did some MAJOR house cleaning. And it feels so good! We cleaned out 2 rooms and steamed the carpets. So of course, putting both rooms back together involved a lot of cleaning and reorganizing. We got rid of a lot of stuff. Yeah! Then we had family in town for a graduation from basic training. We ate out 6 times in 5 days (4 meals in 2 days). Oh my, I think we all felt sick. On Monday we were all just laying around like we were spent. I know some of it was the busyness but I also think some of it was the food. Back to real food now. I don't think any of us want to go out to eat for a while. This morning I made banana bread muffins from scratch. Tonight for dinner I made squash casserole from scratch - even the cornbread was from scratch. OK, that was only because I opened the pantry to find that I was out of the cornbread mix and I was too lazy to run to the store. But I found a recipe for the cornbread and I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was. And Yummy! I don't think I will be buying any more mix. What a nice dinner we had although I have to say steak is nice but not worth burning your house down. OK, I admit that this pic was snapped just moments before flames shot out of the oven. I think I will leave the steak cooking to the men folk because I am much better at cooking chicken! But as they say... all's well that ends well.

Things that tick me off or I feel prickly

Ok, so if I am really honest here there are actually a lot of things that can really get me upset. Sometimes I don't know why I let it bother me so much. But really, I just don't understand why some people can't just be a little more considerate and pay attention to their own actions. Like this morning I was behind a car waiting to turn left. He chucked an almost full can of coke out the window. It spilled and rolled around on the street. I mean please, can you not just hold onto it until you can throw it away the right way? It's such a small thing is it really too much to ask for? I felt like gunning my engines and ramming the back of his car (which had taped on taillights anyway). But that wouldn't be nice. Then later today an ambulance was approaching from the opposite direction and I immediately pulled over to the side of the road. Some jerk behind me just kept on driving as if nothing was happening. It seems to me that if people can't even be nice, considerate and civil to each other in even the smallest of ways then how can we expect big things to matter. Like being a responsible parent. Yesterday I worked and there was a girl who had a baby and she was trying to decide if she should give him up for adoption or not. The father was apparently being a very uncooperative jerk (surprise, surprise). She already had a toddler at home and she couldn't imagine how she was going to do it alone with two of them. But she really loved her baby and didn't want to let go of him. It was so sad. I can really understand her turmoil because I went through a very similar situation. The thought of handing my baby over to another woman and him calling her "mommy" was too much for me. It is certainly an agonizing decision. So if people could just throw their own trash away and pull over to let an ambulance pass would it be any better? Would all the babies have loving responsible parents?

Self Sufficiency

I am not sure how possible that is with a small house and lot in the inner city. But my goal is to become MORE so. Our garden is not that great this year because we have not had the time to work it. But I plan to build some raised beds and go from there. My dad is going to help me build a portable chicken coop. I have been keeping a compost pile and I need to get more worms. Plus I am trying to squeeze every last drop out of our limited resources. That is just good stewardship. These are some pics of our ghetto garden. Our oranges are about the size of lemons. Last year the grapes got to be large pea size and we're hoping they will get bigger this year. The broccoli is growing well (we planted from seed) and the green beans ain't too shabby either. We did get a late start this year and not a lot of time to work it. But progress is what it's all about.

Too many things to learn...

I love to learn. I really do. Right now I have a list of things I want to learn that is so long I know I will never get to do ALL of them. But the good news is that I truly believe there is more for us in heaven. In other words, God will still have tasks and missions and things for us to learn. It is not just going to be floating around in clouds and singing. Although those things will be nice to do too. So here I am trying this blogging thing again. I want to write about all of my interests that I am exploring and the things I am trying to accomplish. The last few months I have hardly worked (outside the home) at all! YEAH! And I am just starting to get the house under control. By that I mean things are cleaner, more organized and the kids and I have a good routine going. I have several projects I am eager to get started on and now that the above are reasonably tamed I feel like I can tackle other things. It is so exciting. So right now my big effort is to live as frugally as possible. I have always been frugal(even before it was cool). I was taught from an early age to value resourcefulness. So I am trying to make the most of our resources. Plus I get a real thrill out of saving money. And now I want to try to use those skills to make some money too. Here I plan to document the progress of my projects, the things I am learning, the things I am reading about and what I dream about. Maybe you will want to read it and maybe not. That is fine because this is really for me. (These are the super ugly cushions that came with the free wooden couches. I am going to sand a refinish the couches and then find some outdoor fabric to recover the cushions.)

Magical Moments

This is one of those great shots I got accidentally. I can see great photos in my mind but when it comes to actually using the camera - well I just get lucky sometimes. So I got lucky and caught this magical moment. Miss A was three and we had gone down to Port A for a few days that summer. We stayed in a REALLY dumpy motel. And we visited the Texas State Aquarium. She loves dolphins and thought the show was great. But she was so little I don't think she remembers it. I want to remember those fleeting magic moments.